When You Kiss Me (Maine Sullivans) (The Sullivans Book 21) Read online

  Duncan’s jaw tensed even further. “You said he didn’t hurt you.”

  “He didn’t. But by that point, I realized I needed to be prepared for the worst.” She exhaled a long breath. “You know what? It feels good to have gotten that secret off my chest after all these years.” She hadn’t realized what a huge burden it had been keeping it in for so long. She smiled at Duncan, the weight she’d been carrying around for so long finally gone. “Okay, now it’s your turn to confess one of your secrets.”

  He was silent for a long moment, as though he was warring within himself over what to tell her. Finally, he spoke. “I told you I stopped working with my brother. But I didn’t tell you why.” The light in his eyes dimmed even more as he told her, “I found out five years ago that Alastair isn’t the person I thought he was. I didn’t want to believe the things I discovered about him were true. Especially after the way he stepped up to raise me after our parents died.”

  Just as she had never told anyone her secret, she had a feeling Duncan had never told anyone this either. And though he wasn’t yet giving her any specifics, whatever his brother had kept from him had clearly shaken him to his very core.

  He looked pained as he continued, “I’ll never stop regretting that I was blind to his faults for so long. For far too long.”

  Her heart broke for him. “I’m so sorry that you lost your parents and then were so badly disappointed by your brother. But look at how well you turned out. You’re a good man, Duncan.” It had taken only a handful of hours for Lola see it. Her mother had seen it over lunch, as well, when she’d said that something about Duncan reminded Beth or the man she loved. “I could tell that from the start.” She was the one tightly holding his hand now. “The more time we spend together, the more certain I am about you.” She paused a beat before asking, “Are you still in contact with your brother?”

  He shook his head, a sharp turn of his head from left to right. “I haven’t seen or spoken to Alastair in five years.” Duncan blew out a breath. “I didn’t mean to darken the mood. Let’s talk about something else.” He tried to smile as he suggested, “Why don’t you tell me your happiest memory?”

  In the same way that Duncan had hated to hear about Frank’s treatment of Lola, she hated to know that Alastair had been so awful. She wanted to ask more questions, wanted to know if there was anything she could do to help him heal. But she could also see how much Duncan wanted to move on from the painful memories. So she would share a happy one with him, rather than pushing for more information just yet.

  “I have so many happy memories.” She had been blessed with a great family, with a life she loved. Of course she’d had her fair share of struggles, but she couldn’t deny how lucky she’d been. “When I was eight years old, we were at the park celebrating Hudson’s birthday. It was such a pretty day. I can still remember how blue the sky was, how the air smelled like flowers, and how everybody I loved was there.” She was glad to see Duncan’s smile grow as he pictured the scene. “I was wearing my favorite dress. It was bright yellow with beautiful watercolor flowers. Brandon teased me, saying he needed to put on sunglasses because it was so bright, but I didn’t care what he thought. I loved that dress and wore it until the fabric eventually began to shred. Mom ended up incorporating a piece of it into a quilt I took to college. I still have it draped over an armchair in the corner of my bedroom.”

  Heat flooded her face simply from the mention of her bedroom. She’d never been a woman who flushed at the thought of going to bed with a man, but everything felt different with Duncan. Far more special. Even simply holding hands and talking about their lives.

  “Everyone else wanted to play badminton,” she went on, “but Mom must have known that I would rather draw, because she had a pad of drawing paper and pencils for me in her bag. They weren’t just any pencils—they were watercolor pencils, which I had seen in an art store and coveted ever since. When she showed me how to use the pencils and then a wet brush to get the watercolor effect, it suddenly felt like anything was possible.”

  “You have a really great mom.”

  “I know.” Even if Beth Sullivan was an indefatigable matchmaker. Although, maybe that wasn’t such a bad thing, considering her mother had been completely right about Duncan. “Anyway, I used those watercolor pencils to draw absolutely everything. My family, our dog, strangers in the park, the trees, the birds, the flowers, the buildings around the square. I’d never realized just how colorful life was until that day. From that point forward, I’ve always brought a notebook and pen or pencil in my bag. And if my creative well ever feels like it’s running a little dry, all I have to do is think back to that magical day in the park and I’m ready and raring to create again.”

  “What a beautiful memory.” He looked as happy for her as he would have had the memory been his own.

  “Now it’s your turn,” she said. “Tell me one of your happy memories.”

  “When I was a kid, my brother and I—” His expression darkened before he regrouped. “We sometimes went to the park near the Harborwalk in Boston to kick a ball around. One afternoon, a storm blew in, and we took cover from the rain in the Boston Tea Party Ships and Museum. They were hosting an exhibit of hand-drawn maps, and even though I was only six years old, I was floored. I had always liked drawing, but there was something about the beauty and the precision of that specific kind of drawing that called to me. Granted, I was a boy obsessed with the adventure stories Alastair read to me, especially the ones that came with hand drawn maps of islands in the front, so that probably played into my interest in traditional cartography.”

  “I love hearing about where your inspiration came from.” And now, more than ever, Lola wanted to know how things could have gone so wrong between Duncan and his brother. What had his brother done? But since she didn’t want to risk making him sad again, she said instead, “You must also have a lot of happy memories about the businesses you’ve funded and the people you’ve helped turn dreams into reality.”

  Duncan’s expression shuttered despite what she’d thought would be an innocuous question. “It’s been a huge privilege to work with so many people who are making a difference in the world.” With that, he picked up their plates and stood. “I’ll take these into the kitchen and put them through the dishwasher.”

  She’d never met a man less inclined to talk about himself. At the same time, given that he’d opened up a little bit about his fraught relationship with his brother, he didn’t seem to be trying deliberately to keep secrets from her. It was more that he found the subject too painful to focus on for too long. Given that she never liked to dwell on her own painful experiences, even with her family, whom she trusted completely, she understood Duncan’s reticence. Soon enough, she was confident they would let all of their walls down with each other.

  It was yet another thought that should have surprised her, but with Duncan, everything she’d once believed to be true about relationships felt like it had been turned on its head.

  Instead of going slow, she wanted to move fast.

  Instead of holding things in, she wanted to share.

  Instead of keeping her walls up, she wanted to let them all fall.

  Instead of being afraid to open up, she wanted to trust him with everything.

  And how sweet was he to offer to take care of the dishes? It was both considerate and sexy. Most guys were so focused on being macho and taking whatever they thought they could get, that it never occurred to them that giving, helping, and being kind were the ultimate in sexy. Of course, Duncan’s broad shoulders, square jaw, and piercing blue eyes didn’t hurt. “There’s something I’d really like to show you in town before you head back to Boston,” she said before he walked away with the dishes, “but I need to make a quick call to confirm that we can get in after hours. Once I’ve done that, I’ll come help you clean up.”

  Duncan headed into the kitchen while she dialed Turner’s cell phone.

  Her brother picked up on the third ri
ng. “Hey, Lola. What’s up?”

  “I was hoping you could let me and a new friend into the Maritime Museum tonight.” The building was closed for the night, but as her brother volunteered there once a week, she thought he might be able to make an exception.

  “Sure, I can let you in for a bit,” Turner said. “Who’s the new friend?”

  “His name is Duncan.” Though Turner was the mellowest of her brothers, even he had his Neanderthal moments. Which was why she added, “I like him. So be nice.”

  “I’m always nice.”

  While that was true, she couldn’t help but think that Turner, as she’d said to Duncan, was keeping a lot more beneath the surface than any of them could guess. She suspected it would bubble up one day when the right woman came along, and nothing her brother did to shove it back down was going to do a lick of good. “See you in fifteen.”

  By the time she walked into the kitchen, Duncan was done cleaning up. “Why don’t we take my van, since I’m the tour guide tonight?”

  The café had closed while they were eating, so she locked up before they headed out. The Sullivan Café was open from seven in the morning until four in the afternoon. Her mother had set those hours so that she could always be home to make her children dinner, play games before bath time, and then tuck them in. Even after they’d all left home, her parents had kept the same hours for the café, apart from a special event pop-up dinner here and there.

  Wishing Duncan had the support of a family like hers rather than a brother who had disappointed him so deeply, she consoled herself with the thought that when they were officially dating, the Sullivans would all support him too.

  She barely caught her thought. When they were dating. Not if.

  But amazingly, instead of being afraid of how quickly she was falling for Duncan, she was simply happy.

  Happier than she had ever been before.

  CHAPTER FIVE

  Lola’s van was big and blue, with her logo painted on the side. The brightly colored illustrated flower on a white background evoked both style and emotion. It was the perfect brand ambassador for both Lola and her business—everything about her was bold and colorful, yet warm and accessible at the same time.

  “My van is always a little messy,” she warned him. “I just need to move a few rolls of fabric off the passenger seat, and then there will be room for you.”

  “Let me help you with those. They must be heavy.”

  She shot him an amused look. “I have strong arms.” She proved it by easily hefting the large stack of fabric bolts and moving them to the back of the van.

  No question about it, Lola was a strong woman on all fronts. “As impressive as your upper-body strength is,” Duncan said, “it’s more impressive that you can do so much in such high heels.”

  “I own flats and tennis shoes, but I don’t wear them unless I absolutely have to.” She looked down at her feet. “These heels are some of my favorites.” Her shoes had a bright floral print and sashes that tied around her ankles. “They make me smile every time I look down and see them.”

  He hadn’t realized shoes had the power to make people happy, but now he got it. “They’re making me smile too.” Her smile was so bright he nearly gave in to the instinctive need to pull her into his arms and kiss her. Before he could, he remembered about the man she’d had to deal with on the phone that afternoon and her story about her ex. Both men only wanted to use her to sate their own selfish needs and desires.

  Duncan would never do that to Lola, no matter how much he wanted her.

  They got into the van, and she started the engine, then pulled into traffic. “I think you’re really going to like where I’m taking you,” she told him.

  “Wherever we go, whatever we do, I already know I’m going to like it, because I’m with you.” He winced at the way the words came out. “I know that sounds like a sappy line, but I swear it’s not.”

  “It does sound sappy, but that’s okay, because I’m thinking exactly the same thing.” She reached for his hand over the gearshift. “We can be sappy together,” she said with a grin.

  Again, he wanted to kiss her until they were both breathless. Instead, he lightly stroked his fingertips over the back of her hand. The little shiver that ran through her gave him a good indication of how deeply she was responding to his touch, even the barest one.

  She shifted her attention away from the road long enough to meet his gaze. “It’s crazy, isn’t it? This. Us.”

  “It is crazy,” he agreed. “I didn’t see this coming. Didn’t see you coming into my life like this.”

  Lola Sullivan wasn’t just a wonderful daughter, sister, aunt, and businesswoman—she would also be an amazing wife and mother. It was a startling train of thought for him, given that he’d never before thought seriously about marriage or children. But after little more than eight hours with her, he could already see their future together with perfect clarity.

  “I didn’t see you coming either,” she told him. “How could I when I had decided to completely shut myself off to the idea of being with anyone?”

  Though he was glad she wasn’t seeing another man, his gut clenched. “Because of what happened with Frank and trouble from men like that distributor on the phone today?”

  She shot him a look. “You heard that?”

  “I didn’t mean to listen in. But what I caught wind of didn’t sound good.”

  “It wasn’t. But I’m used to it and he’s dealt with now.” She seemed a little wary again as she added, “Even before I met Frank, dealing with men was always kind of difficult for me. It’s hard to explain…”

  But he understood why. “People probably think you get handed everything on a silver platter and that everything is easier for you.” He didn’t need to say the words because of your looks for them both to understand that was the reason. “But that isn’t true, is it? Instead, you end up having to fight to be taken seriously, don’t you?”

  He could tell she was uncomfortable with their conversation by the way she shifted in her seat and frowned, deeply enough to create tiny grooves on her forehead. “Let’s just say that I’ve learned to stand up for myself in the business world. And when it comes to my personal life…well, the truth is that I haven’t found many good, kind, confident-but-not-egotistical men coming into my world. Especially ones that cause my heart to race like crazy and make me want to spill all my secrets to them.” Thankfully, a beat later she was smiling again. A smile that transformed her expression into pure joy as she said, “Not until you, Duncan.”

  Even as he drank in her beautiful smile, guilt moved through him at her unabashedly positive view of him. Yet again, he wanted to tell Lola the truth of everything that had happened when he’d worked with his brother. But though the words were on the tip of his tongue, he couldn’t get them out. Not when he knew his admission would cause everything that was beginning between the two of them to abruptly end.

  One day soon, he would tell her. He wouldn’t be able to live with himself if he didn’t. But right this second, when they were only just beginning to admit their feelings to each other, he couldn’t risk losing Lola.

  Not when he’d only just found her.

  At the very least, though, he had to say, “You shouldn’t give me too much credit.”

  “See?” she exclaimed. “That’s exactly what I’m talking about. I don’t know a single other man who would have told me to think less of him instead of more. None of the guys I’ve dated had an ounce of modesty. And none of them truly wanted to be with me.”

  “You’re one of the most intelligent, determined, talented people I’ve ever known, Lola. I want to kiss you breathless,” he said, intent on being as honest as he possibly could with her. “But I also want to know your hopes, your dreams, your past, and your plans for the future.”

  “I want all the same things from you.” She paused a beat before adding, “Even though everything is moving so fast.”

  “I won’t hurt you, Lola. And I’l
l never underestimate you, not in any way. I promise.”

  She pulled into the parking lot of a building on the oceanfront, then turned off the ignition and unbuckled her seat belt, shifting to face him. “I know you won’t. I’ve felt it all day. Practically from the first moment we met.” She lifted his hand and laid it over her chest, where he could feel her heart beating strong and steady beneath his palm. “I feel it here. It’s the same thing I feel when I look into your eyes. I know I can trust you. And you can trust me too. Because I’m not going to hurt you either.”

  They were leaning in toward each other, and he could almost taste her lips, almost feel her beautiful curves pressed against him when, suddenly, there was a loud bang on the window.

  They jumped apart like two teenagers caught making out. But it wasn’t a disapproving parent outside the van. It was a man in his thirties who shared a distinct resemblance to Lola.

  She rolled her eyes, huffed out a breath. “I’m going to kill him,” she muttered. “That’s my brother Turner. He has the code to the building, so he’s letting us in. Although I’m afraid I’m going to have to tear off at least one of his limbs first.”

  Even as she grumbled about their first kiss being thwarted by her brother, Duncan could hear the love and affection in her voice. Because her family clearly meant everything to her.

  Once you were in Lola’s heart, you were there permanently. She would do absolutely anything for the people she loved. To protect them. To care for them. To make sure they were happy.

  Duncan had never wanted anything more than he wanted to be one of those fortunate people. He would give and do anything, change any part of himself and his life for her.