Every Beat of My Heart Read online

  After the four of them had walked around the corner, and Zach took Heather in the opposite direction, she asked, "We don't really have anything to discuss for the wedding, do we?"

  Zach stopped to give her a kiss before saying, "We do, but not here."

  Earlier, he'd made a mental note about a stone cottage on the property that would be perfect for a little alone time with his fiancee. A few minutes later, when they were inside the small building, he drew Heather into his arms.

  He stroked her back to loosen the tight muscles, and she breathed out a small sigh of relaxation. "I owe Smith and Valentina big time for this. I've always loved your family, but I love them even more now for going out of their way to keep my parents occupied."

  "They're happy to help," he told her. "Everyone is."

  Zach had always been more in tune with Heather than anyone else--so even without her saying more, he knew she was not only overwhelmed by her parents being here, but also that her first trimester was tiring her out more than she wanted to admit.

  "It's not too late, you know," he said as he pulled her down to sit with him on a plush couch, slipping off her heels so that he could rub her feet. "We could hop a plane to Vegas tonight and skip the rest of the wedding craziness."

  "I could never do that when everyone has done so much and worked so hard to make our day perfect." She looked up into his eyes, and his heart squeezed as she said, "It's just that when my parents walked in, and I realized just how big a contrast your family makes to mine. I guess it's just a little hard to swallow tonight."

  Zach wanted to soothe her, wanted to tell her everything would be okay, wanted to do whatever he could to steal away her pain. But he knew she was still thinking, still trying to put her feelings into words, so he forced himself to remain quiet.

  Her voice was soft when she spoke again. "Even your two-hundred-mile-an-hour races hardly scare me that much anymore, because I know how much control you have over the vehicle. And I stopped measuring you against my father practically right from the start, because you're nothing like him. Nothing at all." She sighed. "So why does the idea of getting married still sort of freak me out?"

  Zach moved his hands from her feet to slowly run them down her arms, over the crisscrossing of scars. She'd started cutting herself as a teenager after she found out the father she'd always adored had been cheating on her mother for their entire marriage. Heather was strong, confident, and sassy--yet Zach knew she still felt phantom pain sometimes when she had to deal with her father.

  "Some scars run deep. So deep that even when we think they're healed, they might not be. Not completely." Zach held her gaze as he prepared to admit to his own scars that were still healing. "I can't help but think about my dad tonight. I've been thinking about him more and more since we got engaged. Since I found out I'm going to be a father myself."

  She lifted her hand to his cheek, which was covered with the hair his superstitious race crew insisted he keep from shaving off. Fortunately, Heather seemed to like it when he got scruffy. "Do you still worry that you're going to follow in his footsteps?"

  His father, Jack, died of an aneurysm when Zach was seven. Out of all eight kids, Zach was the one who looked the most, and acted the most, like his father, so he'd grown up believing that he wouldn't see past forty-eight either. This was why Zach had never planned to fall in love--because he hadn't thought he could count on tomorrow. It was also why he'd gone for speed his whole life, to experience as much as he could before it was over.

  But then he'd met Heather. And everything he'd once believed to be true had been flipped upside down and inside out. In all the best possible ways.

  Which was why he couldn't lie to her tonight, and would never want to even if he could. For thirty years he'd held his pain and fear over losing his father inside. Held it inside until Heather had made him feel safe--and loved--enough to confess it all.

  "Sometimes I do still worry," he admitted. "Especially around the anniversary of his passing--or when we have big family events. Which," he added with a small smile, "seem like they happen twice a month depending on the birthday-baby-wedding schedule for the year."

  "Three years ago," Heather said, "those worries were why you tried to hold back from me. So if you're still scared sometimes, how do you keep yourself from holding back now? Because I never feel that you are. Even when you're telling me that your scars haven't gone away completely, you're not at all scared about promising me forever tomorrow, are you?"

  "Falling in love with you--that was the biggest thing that made the worries fade at first." He pulled her on to his lap. "I couldn't imagine a world in which I'd ever be able to give you up. Even if I knew for sure that I wasn't going to make it past the next five years, I realized I'd still be the selfish bastard who had to have you." He kissed her for emphasis...and also because he couldn't resist the pull of her sweet mouth. "And ever since then, knowing I'm not indestructible or bulletproof has been a good reminder to live every single day to the fullest. With you."

  "I love you." She lowered her head to his shoulder. "I'm sorry I'm being weird tonight."

  "You're not being weird. You're being honest, and I love you even more because you're not afraid to tell me what you're feeling. Fortunately, I happened to prepare a few bad dog jokes in case we needed them. Want to hear them?"

  She lifted her head to look at him, and he was glad to see her mouth quirk up on the side. "I know you'll be bursting to tell them to me all night if you don't get them out now."

  "What do you call it when a cat wins a dog show?"

  "Honestly, I'm scared to even guess."

  He grinned. "A cat-has-trophy."

  She shook her head. "That's just awful."

  "I try." He gave her another quick kiss. "What kind of dog does Dracula have?"

  She leaned back into him and mumbled the answer against his neck.

  "Did you just say bloodhound?" He stroked his hand down her back as she nodded. "You've been secretly reading my joke book, haven't you?"

  "No," she said with a fervent shake of her head. "I swear I haven't."

  He laughed and pulled her closer. "Only one more, and then you're off the hook. At least until tomorrow."

  She burrowed tighter into the circle of his arms. "Go ahead. I think I'm ready now."

  "I don't know if anyone could ever be ready for this one," he warned her. "What does the dog magician say when he does his tricks?" He paused a beat for maximum impact. "Labracadabra."

  Though Heather couldn't help but laugh--okay, maybe it was closer to a groan--Zach knew she was still upset. Which meant it was time to move to distraction technique number two.

  "Remember how I made you forget about everything, way back when?"

  "How could I ever forget that squirmy, hot night sitting in a restaurant with you teasing me until I thought I was going to lose my mind?" She tightened her arms around him even as she added, "But we're at our bachelor and bachelorette party with your whole family here, and--"

  He cut off her faint protests with a kiss. "All the better. If we're caught tonight, we'll be a thing of Sullivan legend." He nipped at her lip and let the kinky thought sear into her mind, even though he would never let that happen in a million years.

  The first time they'd made love, she'd teased him about his legendary bedroom, and he'd never let her forget it. Now, as she laughed and pulled his head down for another kiss, he was glad to know that his plans to make her forget about her parents were finally working.

  Heather was the first--the only--woman Zach had ever lost control with. And the truth was that he still lost it every time they were together. Lost it so completely that he soon had her dress up around her waist, his pants unzipped, and then he was inside her.

  He closed his eyes and held her tight as they drove each other higher and higher. No teasing tonight. No going slow. Just the two of them reminding each other in the most elemental of ways how deep their love ran.

  As she began to come apart over him, he
captured her gasp of pleasure with a kiss that barely masked his own groan. For a long while, they simply held on to each other.

  When he knew that someone actually might start looking for them soon, Zach gently lifted her from his lap so that they could both set their clothes to rights.

  "Do I look okay?" Heather asked.

  "You've never been more beautiful." He smoothed her dress down over her hips, then rested his hand over her stomach. He couldn't wait to be a father and have a little boy or girl with Heather's flashing eyes and quick wit.

  "Just remember," he told her, "whatever happens, I've always got your back."

  She breathed deeply, as if to inhale into her very marrow the same vow he'd made her years ago when they'd first had to get through a night with her parents. "I know. We've got this." She slid her hand into his. "Together."

  *

  Ryan had always liked Vicki's parents. She had a great relationship with them, and he was glad that her mother, father, and two brothers had all been able to come to Napa for the wedding on such short notice.

  Her family had spent plenty of time in California during the past few years, but they were still clearly bowled over by the star power in the Sullivan family and circle of friends. Especially for Vicki's brothers, who were both huge baseball fans, getting to meet the Hawks at the party seemed to be a pretty big deal.

  Fortunately, Ryan knew Vicki's family could take care of themselves. It was his fiancee he was most concerned about tonight. Because although she clearly loved getting to spend time with her family, Ryan could tell that something wasn't quite right. She was quieter than usual. A little less bright.

  At the first chance, he took her hand and drew her away from the crowd. "Let's go for a walk." She didn't say anything as he led them out of the castle and into the vineyard that surrounded it. He took off his jacket and draped it over her shoulders to ward off the slight chill as he brought her farther up the path so that they could only faintly hear the laughter, the music.

  The moon was full, and the vines were lit up as if by a romantic spotlight. When they reached a small, walled rose garden with a seat at the center, he pulled her into his arms and tipped up her chin so that he could look into her eyes. "Are you okay?"

  "We're getting married tomorrow." She smiled at him, but it didn't quite reach her eyes. "How could I not be okay?"

  "Vicki." He stroked her cheek. "You can tell me if you're not."

  "You said the same thing to me the night your team threw us a party for our pretend engagement."

  "Our love was always real," he said first. And then, "I meant it then and I mean it now--you can tell me anything. Anything at all."

  She was silent for a few moments before finally saying, "After my divorce, I didn't just vow to protect my heart at all costs--I also believed I'd never marry again. But then there you were, my best friend, the one man I had never been able to stop loving. Your love made it possible for me to push my fears aside and put my entire heart and soul on the line for you. But tonight..." She paused, scrunching up her face, the same expression she got when the clay wasn't turning into the sculpture she could see in her mind's eye. "I just want the past to stay in the past. I didn't even realize any darkness from those years without you was still lingering, but tonight it feels like the final bits of my bad first marriage are being dredged up to the surface."

  "I hate that we were apart all those years, Vicki." Just as he hated the pain he could see on her face right now. "I've wished a million times that I could go back into the past to redo it all. I wouldn't just fumble my way through a kiss with you at fifteen--I'd find the guts to tell you straight up that I was in love with you. I wouldn't let you marry some other guy. And I sure as hell wouldn't almost lose touch with you for fifteen years when what I most wanted was to see you, talk to you, kiss you every single day."

  "I can't believe I used to think I was made for long term and you weren't," she said in a soft voice, "when I'm the one who's still scared that my earlier failure at marriage might taint the one that truly matters. I already gave my ex ten years--I don't want to give him even one more second."

  "We'll never be able to erase the past," Ryan said, "but we don't need to. Because we've got tonight. Tomorrow. And every single day after that. Forever," he said as he held her hands in his. "That's how long I've loved you--and how long I always will."

  "That first day, when I was so scared, you did the same thing you're doing now. You took me out into nature and held my hand and showed me that you'd be there for me, no matter what."

  "You let me hold your hand that day three years ago, but I wanted to do so much more."

  "Tell me, Ryan. What would you have done then, if you could have?"

  "This." He pulled her even closer and kissed her. "And this." He cupped her face in his hands and stared into her eyes. "I would have said, I love you. I would have said, I've always loved you and I always will." He brushed away her tears. "And I would have asked you not just to trust me, but to trust yourself too. All those years away from you--and then trying to pretend I didn't want you with every fiber of my being--were the worst kind of torture. But we've always come away stronger. Better. And even more in love. Which is how I know we'll make it through anything else that comes our way. Just as long as we're always honest about what we're feeling, what we need."

  "Actually," she said softly, "there is one more thing I need before we head back to the party."

  He gazed down into her eyes, which were lit by the moonlight that streamed over them in their private rose-filled hideaway. "Anything," he said again, even though he already knew what she was going to do. What she was going to say. Because he knew her better than anyone else in the world. Just as she knew him. "Tell me, and I'll give it to you."

  She stepped out of his arms just enough to be able to reach for the zipper on her dress that ran between her breasts. "I need you to love me," she said at the exact moment that she pulled it down. "Here. Tonight. It's always been you, Ryan. Always."

  And as he laid her down on the bench beneath the moon and the stars, surrounded by roses and grapevines, to love her sweet and hot all at the same time, Ryan hated to think what his life would have been like without Vicki.

  Thank God, he'd never have to find out.

  CHAPTER SEVEN

  Flowers of every color and scent spilled from pots on the large stone patio that overlooked the vineyards where Zach and Ryan waited. Neither man looked at all anxious about getting married. On the contrary, it was clear to every one of the hundreds of wedding guests that the brothers were nearly out of patience as they waited for their brides to appear.

  "Hopefully, the girls will be out here soon," Sophie whispered to Lori.

  "No kidding," Lori agreed. "Otherwise our brothers look like they're going to go caveman."

  Maybe Mary shouldn't have laughed in agreement as she stood at the front with her oldest son, Marcus, to co-officiate the wedding. But her children had always been her greatest joy--and watching each of them find love meant everything to her.

  The first notes of the Wedding March rang out through the vineyard, and Mary's chest squeezed. In a matter of minutes, her sons would be pledging their hearts to the women they loved. And she'd have two new daughters. She couldn't wait, her smile growing even wider as Heather emerged from a rose-covered archway.

  Zach's indrawn breath easily carried to Mary's ears as he saw his bride in her gown for the very first time. Heather was absolutely radiant in white silk that draped elegantly over her curves. The designer had made her the perfect dress--simple, yet breathtaking.

  As she walked up the aisle on her father's arm, Heather never once took her eyes from Zach. Mary swore she could feel the connection between them, so strong that no one, and nothing, would ever break it. Even when Heather's father kissed his daughter's cheek before moving back to his seat, Heather held Zach's gaze. And when Zach reached for her hand and kissed it, Mary nearly broke into sobs right then and there.

 
It suddenly hit her: How on earth was she ever going to make it through not just one of her children's weddings--but two on the very same day--without falling completely apart?

  There was barely enough time for the crowd to catch its collective breath before Vicki emerged from beneath an arch made of baseball bats held by Ryan's teammates.

  But it wasn't just the bride's unique entrance that had Mary smiling. It was seeing how bright Vicki's eyes were, how flushed her cheeks, as she smiled at her groom. Ryan's grin nearly split his face as he took in the stunning vision of his best friend, dressed all in white.

  Never had two brides been more beautiful, each in their own special way. Where Heather's gown was pure simplicity, Vicki's made you look once, twice, then again. Yes, there was white silk and lace, but instead of using thread to connect the fabrics, zippers crisscrossed to create a corset-like bodice that was positively breathtaking.

  Pure joy infused every step Vicki took toward Ryan on her father's arm. Mary's son didn't wait for them to make it all the way to the altar, but met them halfway down the aisle. Vicki's father laughed along with everyone else at the groom's enthusiasm, and once her father had hugged his daughter with tears in his eyes, Ryan took his bride into his arms and kissed her soundly, long before any vows were spoken. When they finally drew apart, they walked hand in hand to stand beside Zach and Heather in front of the guests.

  Marcus moved forward to begin the ceremony. "Thank you for coming today to celebrate the love between Heather and Zach and Vicki and Ryan. My mother and I are honored that they asked us to officiate their double wedding today."

  Mary had to take a deep breath to steady her emotions before moving to Marcus's side. Smiling first at the brides and grooms, she then looked out over the large group of beloved family and friends on the patio. "As you can see, we decided to do things a little differently this time." The crowd laughed, and she continued, saying, "In addition to having two weddings today, we also thought we'd have some nontraditional ring bearers be a part of the wedding. Please welcome Atlas and Cuddles."