There Goes My Heart Read online

  “I wouldn’t believe it even if you had said it,” Zara put in, just as she might have during one of their normal verbal sparring sessions. But since this conversation wasn’t anywhere close to normal, she followed it with, “I take it you broke up with her and it didn’t go well?”

  “I tried to end it several times before, but every time she got so upset that I couldn’t see it through.” If he closed his eyes, he was back there on that night, reliving Chelsea’s sobs, her pleas to give her another chance, her repeated vows of undying love, that she would do whatever it took to change into someone who would make him happy. “She thought I was going to propose to her that night. She somehow believed that’s where we were headed—to wedding dresses and vows of forever.” His gut churned. “I hurt her with the things I said to make it clear that it was never going to happen. It doesn’t matter that I didn’t want to be cruel. I was. I thought it was the only way to get her to finally accept that we were through, so I didn’t hold back.”

  Every time he thought about that night, he felt sick. If only he could rewind time and do it differently. Explain to Chelsea that it wasn’t about her not being good enough for him. That someone else was out there for her who would be a much better fit.

  Zara scooted closer, then took both his hands in hers. “You can be a real pain in the butt sometimes, not to mention utterly full of yourself, but I can’t see you ever aiming to wound.” She squeezed his hands. “Whatever you tell me next, I’m not going to blame you.”

  “I should never have let her leave my place on her own,” he said. “Not when I knew she would head straight to the nearest bar and end up drunk—a target for some creep to take advantage of. I didn’t stop her, though. Didn’t follow her either, in case it would have given her false hope.” He grimaced as he admitted, “This wasn’t my first relationship to go bad. Where I let things linger too long, where—just as you so rightly put it—I screwed everything up.”

  “Rory—”

  “I’m not knocking you for seeing the situation so clearly and saying that. Not at all. In fact, maybe if Chelsea had seen things more clearly, they could have worked out differently for her.” He released a heavy breath. “You won’t be surprised to hear that it took me far too long that night to realize I was being an idiot by not watching out for her. Unfortunately, I was too late to keep her from getting hurt. She was walking out of a bar when she tripped and hit her head on the curb. The paramedics got there at the same time I did. Somehow, I knew to follow the sound of the sirens, that they had to be for her. She was in the hospital for a week. Thank God she was okay. She wouldn’t let me in to see her, though. Wouldn’t talk to me again either. Her best friend came out from California to take care of her.” He had a hard time swallowing past the huge lump in his throat. “Her friend told me flat out that I had nearly killed Chelsea, that she was going to take her to California so that I could never hurt her again, and that I should stay away from her for good.”

  Zara’s expression had grown more and more stormy with every word. Finally, her response thundered out. “I’m sorry your ex-girlfriend had a horrible accident and that you had to go through the fear of worrying about her. And I’m really glad that she recovered from her fall. But it isn’t your fault that after your breakup she ended up getting drunk in a bar and falling—no matter what her friend said. Just like it isn’t your fault that she wasn’t your one and only love.” Zara’s words shook with passion. “You can’t force yourself to love someone any more than they can force you to love them back. Surely I can’t be the first person to tell you this. Because from what I’ve seen, your family doesn’t seem shy about giving their opinions. And I know they’d be the first ones to defend you to the ends of the earth.”

  “You’re right. They all told me it wasn’t my fault. But how can I see it any other way when I knew damn well that for all of Chelsea’s life she hadn’t felt good enough, hadn’t felt like anyone’s first choice? All I did by breaking up with her was prove her right.”

  “Rory, you’re not the one who raised her! You’re not the one who taught her about love!” Zara was practically yelling at him now. “All you did was see if you could give your heart to her. And when you realized you couldn’t, you did the only thing you could. You broke up with her so that she could find the person who would be a perfect fit.” She inhaled a deep breath in an obvious bid to calm down. “Look, I’m not saying breakups are always rational. That’s obvious, given that we’ve just pretended to be a couple tonight so that I could save face in front of my ex. But while we certainly have every right to be upset when someone dumps us—I for one had a great time making a dart board out of a blown-up picture of Cameron’s face—at the end of the day, I don’t think it’s fair to blame other people for our unhappiness. We have to take responsibility for our own happiness, even if sometimes it seems impossible.”

  “Is that why you haven’t lashed out at your stepsister or your ex?” he asked. “Why you kept holding back tonight, even when most people would think that they deserve your fury? Because you think it isn’t fair to blame them for hurting you with their cheating?”

  “I might not like the way they found love,” she replied, “but I can also see that they’re happy with each other. Taking their joy away wouldn’t make me any happier. Trying to crush them under a mountain of guilt wouldn’t either.”

  “But what if facing up to the harm they caused you is exactly what they need to do? What if it’s their big chance to finally redeem themselves and correct their behavior?”

  “You mean like how you’ve decided that if you ever let a woman get close to you again, you’re bound to hurt her? So now you think you need to steer clear of relationships forevermore?” She didn’t wait for him to reply. “And I’ll bet you wish you could turn back time so that you could do the whole breakup scene differently, don’t you? Maybe you even think it would have been better to have stayed with her, because then she wouldn’t have gotten drunk and hit her head?”

  When he didn’t deny any of the above, she let out a frustrated growl.

  “Even if you could turn back time, even if you could have kept Chelsea from drinking and falling, she was never going to be your true love.” She glared at him like an angry schoolteacher. A gloriously naked one. “In fact, if you could open your eyes for just one tiny little second, you’d see that staying together would have been the worst-possible choice, because then you would for sure have been consigning her to a loveless life.” She put her hands on his shoulders and shook him. “What is it going to take for you to see that you had to let her go so that she could find her real Prince Charming, you big numbskull? Do I need to make it my life’s mission to help you see the light so that you’ll give a real relationship another try?”

  All his life, Rory had been surrounded by his supportive family. Someone standing up for him wasn’t new, wasn’t out of the ordinary. But Zara was downright ferocious in her determination to make him see the light.

  Then again, even if he was bound to fail, he’d never been able to resist one of Zara’s challenges. “Are you one hundred percent sure you’re right?”

  “One million percent sure! You’re irritating and insufferable and far too cocky for your own good, but at your core, you’re not a bad guy. And there are plenty of women out there who would be able to survive dating you perfectly well, without falling apart.”

  “Are you willing to prove it?”

  “Did you hear anything I just said? Of course I’m willing to prove it.”

  “Okay, then.” Did she realize he’d just effectively boxed her into a more-than-one-night corner? “Scratch everything I said earlier about not dating. Let’s do this for real. Let’s be boyfriend and girlfriend.”

  Her eyebrows rose so high they nearly flew off her face. “Excuse me?” Her tone had pitched up nearly an octave. “How did our conversation just spin from you getting over what happened with Chelsea to the two of us becoming a for-real couple? What the heck has gotten into yo
u?”

  He barely resisted the urge to play with the double entendre that he’d just gotten into her. Mostly because he knew she wouldn’t just smack his shoulder, she’d likely knock his head right off his neck.

  “If you’re right that what happened with Chelsea and my previous girlfriends was the exception instead of the rule,” he explained, “then it stands to reason that you and I should be able to date for long enough to know for sure if we are, or aren’t, feeling magic. If we aren’t, we’ll prove that we can go through a breakup without experiencing any problems or hurt feelings at the end. If you’re wrong, however, and the whole thing goes pear-shaped…”

  “I’m not wrong. In fact,” she said as she thought more about what he’d just said, “it’s quite possible that you’re not just a pretty face after all.”

  “Don’t hold back,” he muttered. “Tell me what you really think.”

  “Seriously, your idea is genius! This is the perfect way for both of us to prove to each other that relationships don’t always have to go down ugly at the end. We’ll have fun dating, and then, when we can no longer hide from the fact that we don’t have the magic that your parents do—I’m thinking one week should do it, so we could make our official breakup date Saturday—we’ll happily call it quits, no harm, no foul. I won’t cry or beg or get drunk like your previous girlfriends. And you won’t sleep with my stepsister like my previous boyfriends.” She held out her hand. “Let’s shake on it.”

  Though their deal sounded good on paper, Rory had to wonder if there was any chance that a week as a couple could possibly end up that cut-and-dried. Especially when he’d never forgive himself if he hurt Zara.

  Good thing she was the most resilient person he’d ever met. He had to trust that she wouldn’t make this agreement with him if she wasn’t sure she could handle it.

  Before he shook on it, however, he needed to clarify one thing. “Officially dating doesn’t mean stepping back on the sex, does it?”

  She rolled her eyes. “Of course not. Sex is definitely still on the menu. So do we have a deal? Are we going to do our darnedest to prove to ourselves that dating and breaking up doesn’t have to be ugly?”

  “Deal.” He gave her hand a firm pump. “And now that we’re officially on our first date, I have to say…” He took in her naked body. “So far, you’re the girlfriend of my dreams.”

  She laughed. “Hurry up and make me come again so that I can say the same thing about you.”

  He didn’t hurry…

  But the look in her eyes was extremely dreamy by the time the sun came up.

  CHAPTER THIRTEEN

  “Make it stop.”

  There should be a law against phones ringing in the middle of the night. Zara squeezed her eyes shut and tried to block out the annoying sound. But it wasn’t just her cell buzzing on the bedside table—a land line was ringing too.

  Wait. She didn’t have a land line at her house.

  At last, she pried open an eye…and realized from the sunlight pouring in the window that not only was it not the middle of the night, but she was also lying across a man’s bare chest.

  The very well built, shockingly sexy bare chest of Rory Sullivan—her onetime nemesis, now one-week-only lover.

  Was this going to happen every time she woke up? Was she always going to be taken aback by how tightly her arms were wrapped around him? Or at some point during the next six days, would it fully sink in that the two of them were together in the most intimate of ways, however temporarily?

  After being adversaries for the past year, she supposed the new terms of their relationship would throw anyone off. And she couldn’t help but think that if waking up in bed with Rory could send her reeling this hard, just imagine how messed up she’d be if she fell in love with him…and then had to let him go.

  No, she definitely wouldn’t make that mistake.

  She relinquished her hold on him enough to look up into his sleeping face. How on earth he managed to stay asleep through the annoyingly insistent ringing and buzzing, she had no idea. But since he wasn’t able to see her mooning over him, she couldn’t stop a little sigh of pleasure at the memory of all the delicious things they’d done together.

  When a man was that good at sex, a person couldn’t fault herself for being only human and appreciating it.

  Reluctantly, she rolled over to pick up both the hotel phone and her cell at the same time, one at each ear. “This is Zara.” Though it was nearly noon, according to the clock on the bedside table—Rory had given her one glorious orgasm after another until nearly sunrise—she still wasn’t happy about being woken up.

  “Hey, sis!” Brittany’s voice was extra perky, especially coming through two phone lines at once. “I had hoped you, me, Cameron, and Rory could all have brunch together this morning, but I’ve been calling your cell since ten a.m. with no answer.” Perky gave way to pouty as she added, “I finally had the hotel also call your room to make sure you were there, even though it’s now so late that we have another engagement to head to soon.”

  Yet again, Zara gave silent thanks that Rory had worn her out enough with his brilliant moves in the sack that they had both slept through the buzzing of her phone and breakfast. “Rory and I were up late last night.” She was glad to be able to insert a little truth this morning into her lies from the night before. “He’s still sleeping.”

  The big hand moving across her hip let her know that Rory was now wide awake. With a gentle tug, he drew her back into the bed so that her back was flush against his front. His very aroused front.

  Mmmm. Zara nearly hung up both phones. After all, she could talk to Brittany anytime, but the clock was ticking down on six days of what had to be the best lovemaking on the planet.

  “Wow, that must have been some night,” Brittany said, sounding strangely subdued. “I was really hoping to see you this morning, even if just for five minutes.”

  That was all it took for Zara to give up on a few more sexy minutes with Rory. She had never been able to resist Brittany’s requests to spend time together. How could she, when as teenagers they had been each other’s only lifelines after each losing a parent and finding themselves plopped into a new family?

  “If you give me ten minutes to get dressed,” Zara said, “I’ll come down to see you two off.”

  “Yay!” The smile was back in her stepsister’s voice. “We don’t have to leave for a half hour, so I’ll order coffee for the four of us.”

  As soon as Zara hung up, Rory spoke from behind her. “If you can get dressed in one minute,” he said, obviously having figured out the pertinent details from her side of the conversation with Brittany, “that means we still have nine minutes to have some fun before we go downstairs.”

  Despite the pressure weighing on her chest at knowing she was going to have to make small talk with Brittany and Cameron again, Zara was glad to know she wasn’t going to have to endure them alone.

  She rolled over to face him. “As tempted as I am to see what tricks you can pull out of your hat with a nine-minute deadline, I should probably throw myself into the shower. And since we’re supposed to check out by noon, you should do the same.”

  “Nine minutes with you in a shower?” He gave her a very wicked grin. “Consider yourself done.”

  She laughed again, even as she made herself slide from the bed and head for the bathroom. “If you actually manage to make me see fireworks in the next…” She looked at the digital clock beside the bed. “Eight minutes, I’ll be very impressed.”

  She was turning on the water and stepping into the shower enclosure when she felt his lips on the back of her neck and his naked body pressed against hers. Though the water was warm, she shivered.

  “Let’s get you under the water.” He moved them both under the spray, his hands roving over her breasts as he separated her legs with his thigh.

  She’d never been this responsive to a man’s touch before, never felt like she was already on the edge with the barest whisp
er of his lips and hands over her. Barely sixty seconds in the shower with Rory, and all it took was one large, callused hand slipping slowly over her skin, from her breasts to her stomach, then finally between her thighs, for her to nearly come apart.

  “You have no idea how much I want you,” he murmured against her earlobe as he slid one finger, and then a second, into her more-than-ready body.

  “If it’s as much as I want you,” she whispered back as her inner muscles clenched against him, “I do.”

  The next thing she knew, he had taken his hand away and thrust into her. He felt so hard and hot and perfect that she sobbed out his name, the sound reverberating inside the tile-and-glass enclosure. She pressed her hands flat on the tile as she arched her hips against his, wanting more, needing everything he could give her.

  One hand came around her hips for leverage, while the other cupped her face. The gentle way he turned her cheek so that he could look into her eyes was a surprising counterpoint to the wonderfully rough way he was taking the rest of her. Exactly the way she wanted to be taken.

  And when he kissed her, though he hadn’t spoken, she could swear he was calling her sweetheart, this time with the passionate brush of his lips over hers. Yet again, it sent her straight to heaven, with Rory’s mouth, hands, and body urging her pleasure on and on and on.

  As he let himself go, his groan of pleasure sounded like a roar in the small room. It was the same roar of victory she would have made herself if she could have found the breath for it.

  She was still panting when she felt his hands in her hair, massaging in shampoo.

  “Good?”

  She turned in his arms to face him. “Amazing.” She reached up to gather some excess suds from her hair, then mirrored his movements as she washed his hair. She couldn’t resist giving him a slightly snarky look as she said, “I think I’ll call you Mr. Speedy from now on.”